Um Mar de ti

Deixo de raciocinar... anulo-me e ponho os meus olhos de lado.
Oiço.

Como é que tão insuspeitamente me conquistaste de todo?
Com pouco mais de um olhar, e sem pedir licença, arrebatas-me. Estou infinitamente cativada, e gozo. Cada célula em mim se comove de maneiras inexpressáveis... e tu, nem sonhas. Limitas-te a observar, de forma suave, à medida que te entranhas, fatalmente, mais um pouco.
Tentas-me só por existires. Corro o risco de, por ti, me vender. Apaixono-me quando respiras e o calor do teu corpo perto do meu... estou quase a enlouquecer, de forma controlada. Dás melodia ao rufar da chuva que me fustiga e tocas-me tanto, sem te moveres, que dás prazer às tormentas que me querem calar. Contudo, a minha liberdade ante ti parece totalmente insignificante.
A minha pele chora de mansinho. Os meus ouvidos deliciam-se. Os meus olhos viajam em cada acorde.... O meu corpo é uma explosão de sentidos, levemente estimulados por um pouco de ti.
Vibro e tremo compulsivamente, por dentro. Em cada trinado, morro em silêncio – e ressuscitas-me de imediato, mas apenas para de novo me matares. Tudo isto docemente, como uma golfada de vinho que se mastiga.
Perco-me num banquete de ti. Sinestesicamente sou envolta na tua naturalidade turva. Fecho os olhos,... e a negrura que vejo é o breu dos teus cabelos.
Tu não sabes, mas vais-me viciando. Involuntariamente, dás-me de beber à alma... e eu já me quero afogar em ti. Quero embriagar-me, perder-me, fundir-me contigo sem palavras – porque tudo o que possa dizer desvanece, é irrelevante.
Fora tão simples ser-se feliz! Quisera eu que me absorvesses em todos os momentos, pudera eu fazer parte dos teus versos ondeantes!
Da mesma forma delicadamente repentina, e com uma celeridade divina, acaba. Num só momento passou por mim toda a vida dançando, e desfilaram no meu âmago todas as emoções possíveis. Agora que passou o clímax, cessou.
A brevidade de ti chega-me, cega-me, imobiliza-me, prende-me num paradoxo que me faz voar. Ainda assim... quero mais.

Olhas-me. Sorrio, e penso: o Céu? Não pode ser melhor.

Rascunho

First of all isto é um rascunho de uma coisa em que ando a trabalhar - fica como aperitivo. Só para se perceber o género, claro... feedback please!

‘This could be dangerous... Hell with it, this might as well be menacing – I’m lacking adrenaline in my life.’
‘You must be joking. Are you sure you’re okay?’ he mulled over.
‘Needless to say I’m not.’
‘Well, when you think back to it,… it’s kind of sad.’
‘Try depressing.’ She replied roughly.
‘Ouch.’ He muttered. ‘That bad?’
‘You bet.’ Louise retorted under a kvetched tone. ‘But oh-don’t you mind. You needn’t care for me, you know, it’s not like your job or anything…’
‘Haha,’ he chortled ‘If I don’t watch out for you, then who will?’ she let a sigh wheeze through her teeth.
‘Guess you’re right. Still, I don’t need you.’
‘I think you need me more than what you’re aware of.’
‘Stop picking with my awareness.’
‘Or else…?’
She stared at him with unusual contemplation, not seeming to notice the strikingly obvious weird frown looking back at her.
‘Snap out of it.’ he eventually growled, surrendered.
‘Let’s get it done, this time for real…’ she sounded muffled due to the mental effort put in her decision. It had never been easy for her to choose anything, but this time the judgement was even more strenuous. Should I stay or should I go? Seemed a trivial childlike doubt, but the consequences of this decision this time were far from puerile: it was definitive. There was no coming back – and this palpable and incontrovertible reality was nothing less than appalling.
‘You don’t have to do this. No one can force you into deciding anything’ he rejoined to her inaudible thoughts, trying to comfort her. ‘I’ll always stand by your side, no matter what’s your decision… whether you resolve anything or not!’
‘I must come to a resolution, ASAP.’ her words had a strange ring of firmness.
‘Why?’ he cried out dimly.
‘I just have to.’ She stopped to ponder. ‘It looks like my entire life has come to this moment… for me, to decide.’ her eyes rested close while a deep crease formed on her forehead. She opened them with a hazy expression. ‘It has begun.’
‘What has?’ the sudden worry and urgency in his voice was now exposed for her to perceive.
‘Everything.’ She turned her face to the dusky light stretching across the rooftops of Alfama. The Tagus suddenly came across as darker.

Sometimes

Sometimes normal is all it takes.

Sometimes, getting enrolled in your own feelings is just the right thing to do - and it couldn't also be more wrong.

Sometimes, sadness is the repressed shade of self that perks by to say "Hello". And feeling it scarcely inside - to the utmost strange reaction of enjoying the mesmerizing melancholic stage setting roots and en-deepening... is just about fine.

I wish the forfeit to my past actions would not translate itself into this awkward loneliness of being. Sometimes..., my biggest wish is to wake up to find myself two years ago, laughing at this disconcerting not-so-unreal nightmare. But, then again, I wouldn't have met you - if that even matters.

Are you high on my nostalgic missing of your uncanny absence? Or is it just me, fabulating another delusional chimera set upon your mere acquaintance?

I don't know, nor do I care. As long as it keeps me amused... and gives me the faintest grasp of strength to hold on, for the day.

(even if it means I kill myself a little bit more, every second)

Yours, sincerely,

F.